People are all too eager to head into battle to protect an identity that has caused them pain for years. Imagine thinking and behaving in a way, that has lead to many setbacks in your life. Setbacks such as weight gain, health issues, mental illness, job losses, relationship breakdowns, financial errors, loneliness and struggle in general. Although struggle and pain are normal parts of life, some people seem to attract these kind of problems constantly. If they aren't fighting a battle they are probably walking into one. We all encounter issues and obstacles throughout our lives, but some people attract more problems than others. The reason for this in many cases, is the fact that certain people exhibit personality traits that attract negativity. The expression of these traits manifests in many forms, none of which are healthy or helpful.
These kinds of issues tend to cycle, repeating over and over again, rarely ceasing or settling and often they get much worse before they get better. The reason for this is not bad luck, but the mindset and brain behind the thinking, that has perpetuated the problem for years.
The craziest thing, is the fact that although a person may recognise and possibly even admit the ongoing issues in their life, they seldom do anything to change the mindset and brain behind the problem. Even worse they fight and battle to maintain the type of thinking and behaviour, which has been eroding their life for years. A person in this situation has been conditioned throughout their life and has developed an identity based on this conditioning. People do not like having their identities challenged, even if the identity is slowly destroying everything in their life.
You may decide as a friend or family member to challenge the negative identity, but you will almost certainly be met with hostility and aggression. Imagine someone trying to lose weight for years, but never making any progress. As their friend you decide to challenge the way they think and behave, but they start making excuses and once you push them a little, they become angry and lash out. You are threatening their identity and now they must fight you to maintain it.
If this is you, try to recognise the problem. You have been programmed to suffer and when someone tries to interject to save you from yourself, you get upset and feel like you are being attacked. In fact, you are harboring a type of thinking that is like a slow working poison or a disease, slowly degrading your system.
If the same problems seem to reoccur in your life, then the chances are- the problem is in fact YOU! It's time to let go, to open your mind, to look deeper, reflecting on why you are reliving the same struggles over and over again. Get real with yourself and be honest because your life depends on it. Make the choice to lower your shield, to stop defending the kind of thinking that is hurting you. Take the opportunity to stand up now and change the trajectory of your life for the better. We all have the ability to shift the course of our lives, but most people don't make the decision to step up. Now is your time, enlist help and get the support your need.
Changing the toxic aspects of your identity isn't the same as changing your entire identity. You can still be you, but a better version of you, all you need to do is stop defending.